Light Bulb Jokes

Date in my archives: 6-Jun-1995

Forwarded with subject: On the lighter side

A while back, I got a 'definitive' compendium of light bulb jokes (LBJs). I've weeded out the sexual, ethnic, drab, and religious ones; here are some that I thought were pretty good and liable to be inoffensive. Apologies if you've seen them all before.

Q:  How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A': 50.  It's in the contract.

Q:  How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
A:  Only one, but the bulb has got to WANT to change.

Q:  How many graduate students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A:  Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to
    get it done.

Q:  How many Marxists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A:  None:  The lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.

Q:  How many supply-siders does it take to change a light bulb?
A:  None.  The darkness will cause the light bulb to change by itself.

Q:  How many Newt Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:  None.  If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw
    itself in.

Q:  How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:  Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about
    how good the old light bulb was.

Q:  How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
A:  Two, one to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the
    bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.

Q:  How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A:  How many can you afford?

Q:  How many football players does it take to change a lightbulb?
A:  The entire team!  And they all get a semester's credit for it!

Q:  How many Harvard students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A:  Just one. He holds the lightbulb and the universe revolves around him.

Q:  How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:  What kind of answer did you have in mind?

Q:  How many anarchists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A:  All of them.

Q:  How many existentialists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A:  Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the lightbulb
    itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective
    reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out
    toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.