Top Ten New Viruses

Date in my archives: 11-Aug-1993

Forwarded with subject: Top Ten List, Hyuck Hyu

10. Paul Revere Virus: This revolutionary virus doesn't horse around. It warns of impending attack: One if by LAN, two if by C.

9. Politically Correct Virus: Never calls itself a "virus," but instead calls itself and "electronic Microorganism."

8. Right to Life Virus: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is, and if you try, requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives.

7. Federal Bureacrat Virus: Divides your hard drive into hundreds of little units, each of which do nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part.

6. Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.

5. Ted Turner Virus: Colorizes your monocrome monitor.

4. AT&T virus: Every 3 minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

3. MCI Virus: Every 3 minutes it tells you that you hate paying too much for your AT&T virus.

2. Government Economist Virus: Nothing works but your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

1. Oprah Winfrey Virus: Your 200MB hard drive shrinks down to 80MB, and the slowly expands to 210MB.